Length: [REDACTED] pages as of 202[REDACTED] (crossed out) – [REDACTED] pages as of 202[REDACTED].
OBA-295 is the résumé of [REDACTED], henceforth referred to as OBA-295-1 — a man roughly [REDACTED] years old and a self-proclaimed “Consultant of Everything.”
Initial versions of the résumé claim mastery of every field OBA-295-1 was ever in proximity to, regardless of relevance or involvement.
Despite chronological inconsistencies, OBA-295-1 offered to “restructure the customer funnel” for the Authority upon recovery.
Résumé length eventually reached [REDACTED] petabytes of plaintext, crashing and corrupting HR systems. Current listed skill proficiencies include:
OBA-295-1 claims to have absorbed these skills via “osmosis.” When pressed for evidence, OBA-295-1 cited NDA restrictions. Only an expired Udemy certificate has been produced.
Exposure to the résumé causes cognitohazardous compulsions in HR and upper management personnel, leading to unjustified job offers at executive levels.
Level 2+ researchers are prohibited from viewing OBA-295 directly.
Executive interaction with OBA-295-1 may result in an MZ-Class Paperwork Breach.